Elise Carr – Getting in touch with your sexuality – podcast #114

Share:

Dr. Justin Marchegiani has a special guest today from Australia and she’s no other than Elise Carr where they discuss about holistic health and wellness. After having experienced a health challenge, Elise shares with us her journey on how she got to where she’s at now.

elise_carrGet an overview of why there should be a need to connect with our sacred sexual and sacred spiritual selves and discover what Tantra really is about. Find out why breathing consciously is essential and how you can practice it properly. Learn about masculine and feminine energy balance when you listen to this podcast interview.

In this episode, topics include:

01:16 Past and present lifestyle

14:11 Tantra

19:24 Breathing

24:12 Masculine and feminine energy balance

32:15 Scheduling time

itune

 

 

youtuve

 

 

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Hey there, it’s Dr. J! Welcome back to Beyond Wellness Radio. Today we get a great guest, Elise Carr, from down under, right? Over in Australia.

Elise Carr:  That is right Dr. J! Is a pleasure to be here. Thank you very much for having me.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  I love it. I love how technology. We’re—we’re so close here. This is great.

Elise Carr:  It is, isn’t it? We gotta be grateful for that.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Very cool, and I’ll just drop your site for anyone interested at kind of checking your info out, as your—as the interview goes—www.stellamuse.com. So really interesting stuff on there, really interesting information, and we’re gonna just kinda go over a couple of—the few key things that we talked about in our—our pre-interview. So I’m really excited to dig in.

Elise Carr:  Yeah, for sure, and yeah, absolutely. Stella Muse is a great website and plenty of free videos and—and info that we’re having a look at, you know, after we have a chat as well.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Very cool. Well, tell me a little bit about yourself at least. How did you get into the health field. I know you do a lot of coaching with clients and patients so to speak. What are some the big issues that, you know, your patients that you see every day are—are dealing with? And how did you get into the field?

Elise Carr:  Yeah, great questions. I was definitely brought up in a very holistic way, so health and wellness and well-being and having a really strong connection to looking after yourself and the way you live your life, has been a part of my life since I can remember. So that’s probably a gift from—from my upbringing right there. But it was also in understanding that I had a choice as well. And when I didn’t make great choices like you know, not that I was ever, to be honest, everyone into the drugs, rock ‘n roll kind of partying phase, didn’t go there. But I had a really strong I guess view of that world because I came from the modeling industry.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  So I—I saw what it could be like when you made choices for yourself that really weren’t honoring your body temple, your life, anything to make you feel–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  Stronger, healthier, really actually connected to yourself and—and the earth and all of the above. So that was great in that sense. So when I say how I got into this, I came from a very different background. I actually originally studied journalism and Public Relations. I was working those fields whilst modeling internationally and doing freelance journalism. It was really being a part of this world whilst wanting to live a very holistic lifestyle that I found that these weren’t marrying up. It wasn’t really in sync. And—and I wasn’t able to be the person that I really want to be and—and serve the way I wanted to serve, so I eventually through different life circumstances merged into going back and starting my masters in Communications and Cultural Politics and Women’s Studies, and that was the catalyst for me to then pull back from the whole journalism pay on world and—and then instead go into studying coaching and get my Reiki masters and go and study more esoteric work and healing—healing work and from there, go and expand and learn and become certified as a Tantra practitioner and kind of gathered this interesting eclectic bag of tools to then create Stella Muse and offer this as an entire holistic yes, but also an empowering platform and—and space to be able to serve people in the way that I feel you I’m here to serve. So it’s kind of like a calling like–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Many of us are saving different ways.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  It’s not that I ever expected I’d be doing is. I thought I’d be a psychologist or a lawyer, you know? But those shoes didn’t fit. So–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  I’m very fortunate to be where I am now. I feel and having created Stella Muse and—and get to offer a service that I feel can—can enrich their lives and yes, connect them to a—a space of–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Absolutely wellness and—and holistic lifestyle, as much as empowering who they are and why they’re here.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  So it’s really interesting that you are a model first, and then you kinda transitioned over to the health field. Looking back, how difficult was it or—or maybe you didn’t even have that awareness back when you were modeling to–

Elise Carr:   Yeah.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Practice a healthy lifestyle, meaning eating, you know, a nutrient-rich, nutrient dense diet.

Elise Carr:   Yeah.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Not having to wor—worry about counting every calorie and also not having to worry about getting excessive movement to burn those calories up. What was that like for you? What was the pressures like?

Elise Carr:  Sure, well, I guess, I’m in my early 30s now and I started modeling at the age of seven.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Wow.

Elise Carr:  And that was by choice. I was never pushed into.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  I had a very supportive mum that said, “What would you like to do?” You know like as—as an afterschool activity and she listed many things. Karate was one of those or Taekwondo and—and modeling was in the mix. So I chose–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  I—I always chose this, and to be honest I still am in the modeling world now. I just choose very different jobs to accept and—and weave it in with my work. So as I mentioned, holistic life, eating nourishing foods, knowing I need sleep, not choosing to take drugs, not choosing to drink alcohol, all those things were so they’re already ingrained in me. So when I was going into my thing in early 20s and started working internationally, I already had a very strong ethos and—and a pretty strong belief in self and this was tested time and time again, mind you, but what I found—what was one of my crossroads for me is that it wasn’t necessarily the wellness in the sense of exercise. I was very dedicated to exercise. I looked after my body temple in that regard.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Food-wise, I did the best with my capacity at the time. We can always improve.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  There’s always room for—for trying different things. Really when I can like narrow in, I think what I was missing was good fats to be honest.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Because the fat thing was like, “Oh, you can’t have fat.”

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  You know? But now I’m like, “Oh, my gosh. Give me the organic olive oil. Give me the avocados. Give me the nuts.”

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  So there was a misconception. So there was probably a lack of awareness there, but other than that, for me living in that world, what I was actually missing was probably vitamin L, which was love.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  When you’re living that lifestyle away from your family and friends and my beloved at the time, my—my partner, that was what was suffering. My soul was being undernourished. My—even my emotional intelligence and my intellect was hungry for something else, so that’s why I say, when we look at holistic health, it is the whole spectrum. And while I may have been eating to the best of my ability and looking after myself and—and not eating things that were gonna be the detriment of my health, and exercising very well and doing my best to plate—you know, how—how much you can fastest to playto when you’re working crazy hours and you know that being a doctor.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Crazy hours, too.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  But it was those other elements, the vitamin L as I mentioned and—and those are the connections that that made me actually quite unwell and I came back from one of my international stints with a cyst on my ovary that ruptured and my heart actually–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Oh, wow.

Elise Carr:  Flatlined for a time so–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Wow.

Elise Carr:  But interestingly enough, the cardiologist says you’re disgustingly healthy because every time my heart start again on it’s own. It was just the toxins from that cyst that went through my body that caused me to kinda have many kinda shutdowns, while it could do it’s best to help itself, and when I look back and—and apparently my—my insides, all my beautiful organs are textbook perfect. So the irony was like, if I’m actually “healthy”–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  What was my body shutting down for? And I—and I can’t say anything else. No other doctor and I spent years seeing many specialists, like the top specialist in all these different fields who could not give me any other answer. So I had to realize I had to take the power back myself and—and I realized that really the end of the day I was missing soul, spirit, love, heart–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  All those kind of things. We cannot function without it. We can’t. So I had to change my life in a big way and start nourishing those sides of me at the same time as yes, absolutely, still enriching my—my food choices and my exercise is still a massive part of my life, but you cannot discount the other factors.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.  So—so interesting you mentioned about the fat part because I think that’s something–

Elise Carr:  Mmm…

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  A lot of people intuitively say well, you know, the fat you eat’s the fat you wear, but we kinda know it’s fat’s really important for our cells and lipid bilayers and our hormones and our brain health and our neurology, and just kinda–

Elise Carr:  Yes.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Looking at what your friends were doing in that industry, knowing what you know now, what kind of pressure–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Was there? What was everyone else doing from a lifestyle perspective? Were you living a healthier lifestyle the most? And others were kinda off? What was your perspective?

Elise Carr:  For me I guess it was that I was living a different—

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Different lifestyle. It was just different–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Choices and–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  We all have our own paths and some people–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Wanted to live in the now, in the moment, and it was just the next quick fix, however that looked.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  That might be buying, you know, the latest outfit and let’s—let’s be real here, maybe we’ll start with the consumerism, whether in the modeling industry or not. So it was that side of things, there was the, I wanna, you know, party so there was the drugs and there was the drinking. You know, there was the, I hadn’t had a meal today, so I’m just gonna grab fast food or I’m not going to eat.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  I’m gonna have coffee. There—there are all these different choices which, yes, we know are common in—in an industry like modeling or dancing or whatever it is. But this can happen in—in any walk of life. So yeah, I saw this. I also saw others–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Who were addicted to the gym.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  We see this in every walk of life as well.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  I never even considered counting calories. If someone said how many calories are in, you know, raw vegan chocolate, my favorite prize, or a stick of carrot, I would have no clue. It was never the same—that came into my mind. I did you know, weigh myself at that stage and I had an expectation of where I wanted to sit which felt healthy for me, but I never felt under extreme scrutiny or pressure–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  To have to in that moment lose 2 kilos or something absurd like that, and I would never capitulate to that. I had a very, very strong sense of self which as I said got tested all over and over again, but I still didn’t wanna be something I wasn’t, even though you’re pressured. I didn’t—I didn’t let that overtake me. I don’t feel.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm. So after you developed the health challenge, the health scare with the ovarian cyst and you had the flatlining–

Elise Carr:  Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  What happened next? How did you overcome that health challenge?

Elise Carr:  Well, I had to have a bit of time off.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  I wasn’t really—I wasn’t able to drive a car, let alone walk properly or wash my own hair like my body was in serious, just exhaustion. So I was back in Australia at this time, and I—I wasn’t able to do hardly anything. My relationship broke down. I wasn’t, you know, being a journalist. I wasn’t being a model. All the facets of me, what I thought were me, were taken away, and so I was really only left with what I really am. You know? Nothing that you can fix or do. You’re not your title. You’re not your job. You’re not what you have. We need to understand this and this was my big wake-up. It was a massive, massive AHA! moment for me and it was in that time that I then spoke to my auntie, who lives in the UK, and because this was before social media, the way I used to communicate with my family when I was away was writing epic emails, and that’s—I’d be sharing what’s going on with this show and this experience and where I’m at, and what it’s like living in Asia at the time. And she said, “Why don’t you take these emails and write a fat book?” As she termed it.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  And I was like, I never consider doing that. And that was me shifting my path from then instead of writing articles. I started writing a book and now 10 years later, you know, this book is in discussion with another agent to get it—to get it published. It’s been a bit of a rocky road to find the right fit. But it’s definitely–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Is there a name for it yet?

Elise Carr:  Yes, it’s called Runway, and there’s a—there’s a page on my book–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Oh, cool.

Elise Carr:  You can sign up to hear about the publishing when that gets finalized and—and now I’m writing my second book on women’s sexuality called Yoni Power, and it—it just shifted my life and it was from there that I then chose to go back and do my masters and—and follow on with all my other training and certification and studies and—and life experience. It just—it changed my life, and I—I didn’t choose then to—to want to model full-time ever again. Because as much as I loved being part of that world, I wasn’t of that world.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah, got it.

Elise Carr:  And I had to be real that that. I had to be real. I knew if I—you know, went—and I did. I moved to Paris. I went there but I didn’t—I didn’t push to try and get on the runways. I did work during Fashion Week over there but it wasn’t—it wasn’t enough and so I found an editor and got my book on the road, and I was painting and I was writing more, and I was just immersing in this place I always wanted to be but I didn’t—didn’t pound the pavement and—and you know, storm around forcing this—this career, I suppose, that did not resonate with my heart and soul unfortunately, as much as you know, there’s beautiful elements in the industry. On its own, it wasn’t enough for me.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Got it. So you’ve taken all your experiences as a—a model and then kind of a transformation with your health challenges and then you have incorporated a lot with—with Tantra and—and various female sexuality and you’re incorporating that with the clients you’re working to—with today. Is that correct?

Elise Carr:  Absolutely.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  So how does that look?

Elise Carr:  Absolutely.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  If I’m—I’m someone coming in, who’s the average person or average patient or client you’re working with, and what are their issues?

Elise Carr:  No one’s average. I definitely have, you know, like I’m sure you do—there’s a massive mixed bag of tricks.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  We’re all very individual, although yes, you’re right. There are many similarities. I work mainly with women but I have more and more men, and I have more and more couples as well that I work with.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  And—and this is from the empowerment coaching, so looking at that whole holistic perspective and then weaving in elements of—of Tantra to get a strong connection with your sacred sexual and sacred spiritual selves essentially to raise your consciousness, have a deeper connection with who you are, deeper connection into the intimacy with your beloved, deeper connection with all that is. So there’s always kind of side, you know, elements and then also more of my healing work as—as a Reiki master doing more energetic and—and esoteric work. So there’s that kinda thing as well , but I can weave all of that into the coaching and mainly the people that come to me are at a crossroads and this crossroads is often that they are now at a point in life where they realize they don’t choose to live like this anymore, and whether that is changing their profession from being in, you know, a—a very demanding corporate job and leading that lifestyle where they are lacking substance, kind of like what I experienced, but the other way around. But that disconnection from soul, that disconnection from spirit, that disconnection from their purpose and wanting to transition into a—a service role that they really deeply connect with. There’s that side of things. There’s all these where it’s the relationship side of things where they are feeling a disconnect from themselves. They disconnect from the sexual power. They disconnect from their body. They disconnect from their heart. And then whether they are in a relationship are not, they usually are feeling that disconnect with their partner if they are in a relationship.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  So they kind of–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  So looking at a lot—Uh-hmm, go ahead.

Elise Carr:  Just because they’re—in answer to your question, they’re kind of, you know, common streams I guess that connect many of the clients that I work with.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  So I’m just trying to get a good visualization because we do similar things with, you know, the—the coaching side, right? You’re getting people’s diet and lifestyle, and kinda core fundamental things kinda dialed in, what you’re eating, sleeping, movement, hydration, those kind of things, and then you’re building on top.

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  You’re putting a lot of focus on the sexuality aspect which is something I don’t really touch upon too much outside of, you know, making sure relationships are—are relatively healthy or referring out for good support.

Elise Carr:  Yeah.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  But you do a lot with the Tantra—

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Tantra part of it which a lot of people listening probably know that to be something about sexual positions and such. Can you go more into–

Elise Carr:  Yeah.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  What that is and then how do you—do you—how does that work? Are you giving people a prescription for certain things to do at night? How does that look?

Elise Carr:  Sure. Well, just—just to put out there–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  First and foremost, all the Tantra with the patients is fully clothed. There’s no genital touch.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  They can be misconstrued or misunderstanding if that–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Got it, okay.

Elise Carr:  It’s—it’s in a very safe space.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  And I have a personal practice as well, so it’s really fundamentally about building a connection with yourself and then if you’re in a relationship or want to create that with a future partner, building that with your partner, a lot of this resides in getting rid of trauma.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  We carry an incredible amount of trauma within ourselves and—and like you’re probably aware. You know, everything is energy. We know this from a science space. We have memories in our minds, but we also have muscle memory, right?  Now let’s say we tear muscle, that muscle is—is going to remember that experience, right? Even though it heals. So we also have the memory. I work on energetic levels. So we are gonna get a little bit metaphysical here, but instead of just the physical, instead of even just the emotional, we are looking at the energetic side of things and realizing that you may have had a traumatic experience when you’re a young man or someone’s a young woman, and they have held onto them. And we hold onto that in different parts of our bodies and I work with different energy centers. Some people know the—the term chakra–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  They’re just energy centers in the body.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Wheel.

Elise Carr:  We have seven of them.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Exactly. An energy wheel. We have seven of them internally and they connect to different elements of us. One of the biggest things I see is many people holding a lot of trauma in their second energy wheel.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  And this connects to the sex organs.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  So this trauma often connects to sex and sexuality. It also connects to money, power, and creativity. So if you’re not getting flow in those areas, they may likely be a trauma that you haven’t dealt with; release works through confronted, forgiven, and got your power back to get yourself in the present. We live so often in the past and so often in a future that we’re not really empowered in the present moment. So all this may seem like a very long path to get to your true potential, to empower you, for you to connect with your sexual energy, for you to able to express yourself and feel into your essential nature as an individual, let alone in a couple. We need clear that trauma. So I do a lot of work, you know, excavating these spaces and clearing them so that we can start rebalancing where we’re at in the here and now. And a lot of that to be honest works with forgiveness because–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  As humans it does not come naturally to forgive. We love to hold on to things like a bag of–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Hot coals and the reality is we’re when doing ourselves an injustice. We’re not helping ourselves because that person who, you know, abused you, neglected you, abandoned you, whatever it was and I am not saying that horrible things don’t happen and that’s, you know, these are being excused—not by any means—but I’m talking here on an energetic level. I’m talking here like it’s a mystical act to be able to forgive their soul, so that you can be released. You’re not necessarily going to have to forget that that happened and you don’t want to forget because it means then you will learn in the future not to make those same choices perhaps, and not to be in that same position perhaps. But we need to understand that we have the power, you have the power, I have the power to make those choices for our own lives to change where we’re at, and this is about the empowerment work that I do that weaved into the—to the Tantra. Because we give a lot of our power away. We give a lot of our sexual power away. You know, we say Yes–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  We wanna say No. We gotta strengthen our boundaries. So while Tantra is yes, sexuality and spirituality, there’s a lot of foundational work there that covers our entire life. And this is why to me Tantra is a lifestyle. We’re weaving together that sacral sexual and spirit to—to awaken our consciousness and by awakening our consciousness we—we’re making wiser choices.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  So when you look at–

Elise Carr:  We’re empowering ourselves.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right, so when you look at your—these clients, they’re coming in, whatever type of health issues you have, whether it’s on the health side, whether it’s their past trauma, you’re looking at that and from there, you’re kind of creating a prescription on the—the Tantra side of specific positions to help kinda reawaken these various chakras. Is that what I’m hearing?

Elise Carr:  I can do chakra rebalancing, absolutely, that’s part of it.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  It’s very much case-sensitive. Often I will say mainly for women, some men if they are open to it, to do a guided chakra regression.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  It’s kind of like a semi-version of hypnosis of sort, but you have to be really active in the mind or your body is calm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  So if there are any yogis listening, it’s kinda of like Yoga nidra.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  It’s like you’re in a beautiful deep relaxation, but your mind is switched on and can do the work while your body is totally chilled out loving it. This kind of work is purely guided by my voice, so I will guide them back into their low-energy wheels to essentially bring up, confront whatever’s been housed there, and yeah, it’s in the form of memories. It’s not in the sense essential to relive it, to just purely bring up the past. That’s not the point. The point is that it’s there. You’re holding onto it. It is not serving you. We need to confront it. You need to get your power back and you need to forgive that person, that experience, whatever it is to di—like disconnect, detach from that, let it go and move on so we can clear that out and move up, and move you into the present. So that’s one element and that’s obviously my healing modality, but that is one simple practice that I can do with—and I do with clients all around the world via Skype to then have them in a clearer space, to be able to do, let’s say, the Tantric work, and you know–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  A prescription of such, you know, learning how to breathe is one of the found—like foundational techniques that I will teach someone on the Tantric path because we don’t breathe properly. We shallow breathe all the time and breath is one of the most important key parts to not only our survival, but then yes, our sexual empowerment. You can change your whole sexual experience when you start working with breath which sounds crazy, but once you learn it, it will change how you approach that and I’ve got free videos that I can share with you, Dr J, if you wanna–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Share them with your listeners as well to get them–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  On that track if they are curious.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  That’d be great. Yeah, I see a lot of people that are in that sympathetic Fight or Flight nervous system state.

Elise Carr:  Yes.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right? Kinda the adrenals–

Elise Carr:  Yes.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Are being whipped so to speak. They’re really breathing from their chest which, you know, really actually further puts them into that sympathetic adrenal state because if they drif—if they breathe from their chest, right?

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  They’re activating a lot of these neck muscles which puts him into this forward head posture which then actually decreases the airflow, so then they have less oxygen going in and, you know, less airflow going to the nose and the na—the nasal sinuses is what actually activates the parasympathetics through breathing. So instead of this deep belly breath, where they are moving their—their belly as they breathe. They’re breathing from their neck.

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  They’re breathing from their chest and they’re activating that Fight or Flight nervous system. Are you finding something similar with your clients?

Elise Carr:  Yes. And—and obviously, I mean that may sound extreme for some people because they don’t realize how interconnected we are. The human body is just phenomenal. So I’m so pleased to you explained like that. It’s really important to have a good understanding of the effect of not breathing correctly, and—and to get an understanding of what breathing correctly looks like, watch a baby breathe or watch, you know, your pet like a cat or a dog and see that full belly expansion, and then the collapse of the belly as it draws—the belly button draws back towards the spine. This is what we are talking about here, and that’s the way, yeah, we slow down. You know, the Fight or Flight. We slow down the parasympathetic–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  Nervous system. That’s normally on edge and it’s that, you know, that heart kind of palpitation almost, that kind of flighty energy that is literally sucking our power away, right?

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  So it’s—it’s the way we choose to breathe on si—one simple thing. If you don’t take anything else from this conversation we’re having for these lovely listeners, it’s looking at how you’re breathing right now. Right now in this very moment where you’re driving in the car. You can do it whether you’re walking with, you know, a podcast going rounds. The streets, anywhere, you can actually slow down and—and I encourage clients to do this first thing in their morning. You know, in the morning when they’re laying in bed, even put one hand on the belly and one hand on the heart, and have this connection. Have this connection with yourself and then to do it throughout the day whenever they feel a bit anxious or nervous or angry, overwhelmed, whatever it is, and then last thing at night. Bring yourself back to this point also helps with the reconnection to yourself, and that is so important because we are so disconnected, even though like we are talking across the world right now, we’re so connected technologically. But we’re so disconnected emotionally, spiritually, energetically, and–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  And this is what’s so important. This is what we’re missing in this day and age, and there is no—there’s no wonder drug. There’s no Band-Aid. There’s—there’s no, you know, remedy for that. We—we really need to—to just own it and understand that, you know, the power’s with me. I have to make some more conscious choices. So let’s start with my breath.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  I think that’s great and with patients you’ve kind of alluded to it, one hand on the heart, one hand on the belly–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  And what I tell my patients is very simple. The hand—the hand that’s in the belly is the one that should be moving and the one over the heart really shouldn’t be moving much. It should be primarily coming from that bottom hand on the belly which really tells me that your breathing from the diaphragm and you’re having those really good big diaphragmatic breaths, into the nose, out through the nose or into the nose, out to the mouth to really–

Elise Carr:   Yeah.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Get the parasympathetics going, and I also recommend doing that to like one of the M waves. Familiar with the Heart Math Institute? They have like–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  The M wave that kinda helps get you into coherence which is looking at heart rate variability and its timing and synchronizing the breath in and out to get you into that state of coherence where the brain and the heart are neurologically kind of communicating at its peak.

Elise Carr:  Yeah, and the interesting thing, I’m not sure if you come from this school of thought, but I certainly believe that while we’ve obviously got our—our normal brain, you know, the heart and also like the digestive system, like you know that lower hand where it’s gonna be, they are also kind of like main brains as well. So we want those three kind of brain of sorts to be functioning and talking and in harmony together.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  To me that’s so important and—and while the hand on your heart may not be moving and we definitely don’t want this to be moving as much as that–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Belly hand, we want you to be at even connect with your heartbeat.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Start to feel that. Start to slow down enough, to be present enough to just relax into the moment and know that you are doing something wonderful by just being. This thing that I do a lot of work with is is the doing and the being. And I break this up–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Into like the masculine doing and the feminine being, because we do a lot of energy work. As I’ve already touched on my Tantra, and we talk about Shakthi and Shiva, like the god and the goddess.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  The two parts, like the Yin and the Yang.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  I’m sure we’ve all seen that, you know where it’s like–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  The black kind of little blob that’s actually a fish with the little white bit and—and the white with a little black.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  That is us. We are, like you are mainly masculine but you’ve got some feminine energy–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  And I mainly feminine but I have some masculine energy. We need these to harmonize ourselves in this day and age in such a driving, doing success, you know? Hungry environment, humanity, society we’ve create. We’re very disbalanced. We’re very masculine the way we do things. We think we must be doing things all the time. We have checklist. We have to rush here–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  And here. We don’t achieve enough at certain time. This is all masculine and don’t get me wrong, I have much reverence for that and I love it, and we need this side of us to get things done. But we also need to see the value in—in the being, in the feminine, in the creative, in the flow, in the slowing down and the enjoying, right?

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  This is also what’s missing in our life and that saying that, you know, I feel was something that was missing in my life when I—when I had that health scare. And many clients that I see, they’re either too far in their masculine—some of them, not very often a too far of a feminine not getting things done, because they’re changing her mind and—and flighty and—and from here to there, here to there. We need to find balance and strike that balance every single day. That’s another thing you can ask yourself is, “Am I driving too much?” That the type A personality, the must achieve, the must do this, they’re working 12 hours, 14 hours a day. Pulling back and—and honoring some You time.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Sometimes we even need to have like, you know, a date for ourselves where I’m gonna go to the museum today. I’m gonna take myself to a movie. I’m gonna sleep in. I’m gonna read a book. And just, you know, whether it’s 20 minutes, maybe 5 minutes to slow down and have a cup of tea. We have to start valuing these as well because otherwise we reach burnout and I’m sure you’ve seen it with your clients.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  Like it can get to adrenal fatigue. It can get to absolute exhaustion. It can get to depression or so many different ways it can appear physically if we’re not–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Emotionally nourishing ourselves and—and looking at the energetics–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Things as well.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  And I—I see a lot of patients who are female, typically my average patients between 35 and 65 in female—I’d see majority female but I still have a good percent of—of males as well, but–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  There’s a typical pattern that I see in a lot of my female patients, right?

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  There—there’s this type A kind of, you know, go-go-go type of world that we all live in and–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  I kind of see that as women tapping into that masculine side, where they’re trying to go-go-go-go-go and–

Elise Carr:  Definitely.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  And there’s the inability to kinda bounce back and repair from that and it was interesting because you kind of can talk about in this abstract way of energy, but Dr. John Gray–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Did a lecture and he was talking about the female hormones, progesterone primarily estrogen–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  When there’s lots and lots of stress in an estrogen-like environment, testosterone is the fuel that kinda helps us buffer the cortisol and I kinda–

Elise Carr:  Yeah.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Testosterone’s like that male energy, right?

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm, absolutely.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  And when testosterone is lower which is obviously the case in a female environment, right? 10 times lower than a male.

Elise Carr:  Yes.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  They don’t quite have that recovery from the cortisol aspect, and I—I see that what you’re saying about the—the male-male—male side of it and the female side is the women kind of depleting some of that female energy by tapping too much into the male. Can you elaborate more on that? Do you see that as well from this Type A world–

Elise Carr:  Yes.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  We live in?

Elise Carr:  Yes, and—and I love that you brought this up. And thank you for bringing the science into it. It’s so important as well and I totally hear you. In a simplistic way, I guess it well—what we’re saying here because we’re on the same page I feel is that females aren’t designed to function like that and yet we create a society where we have to fit into this box–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  That means this is how we are gonna supposed to act, so this is why now more than ever, there’s a massive calling for a shift. This is why you know we’ve got this new feminist kind of wave happening people are saying. Even men are saying I’m a feminist because I see the value in women. Now this isn’t about not loving men. Don’t get me wrong. I have deep reverence for men–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Absolutely. It’s about knowing where the strengths lie and saying that there is in quality in different strengths that we’re–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Equal but we had differences, right? And one thing that I find is deeply important that if we’re gonna, you know, speak about women in this regard, we obviously have a cycle, right? Let’s just say, you know, an average 28 day cycle. We are very much connected to the moon, the tides, all of the above.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  But to bring us back, you know, we know if we break it down like, you know, there’s seven days in—in each, kinda part of the cycle. If we look at this from an energetic perspective. We’ll see that you know, ovulation is an expressive time. A woman is mainly very expressive at this time. She then goes in, you know, to her creative phase for the next 7 days, and this right about she’s about to menstruate and then her menstruation time—we call it moon time, in my line of work—it’s a reflective time. She needs to pull back. This is not the time to be driving. I’m not saying you need to have, you know, five days off and that you—you can’t do things because you have your period. Not at all. But you need to know that you are in a very, you know, introspective phase of your cycle. You need to honor that, to slow down a little bit, to not book as many appointments–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  To not have as many meetings, to really honor where you’re at because women, we say the most psychic and intuitive at this phase as well. So that should be a gift. Back in ancient times, civilizations used to honor and revere women at this time. It was called the red tent. Women would gather in a space together and those who weren’t on the moon times, perhaps croons, the grandmothers who no longer are in this phase and—and the young children and the men would bring them food. They weren’t asked to do chores. They weren’t doing, doing, doing. They are being with each other, rubbing each other’s bellies, playing with each other’s hair, sharing stories, passing on wisdom from the eldest to the youngest. It was a very revered time. We have lost all of these because it’s like, “I don’t have time for that. I to do this, this, and this before 6 AM.” So we’ve—we’re really–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right.

Elise Carr:  Lost that balance plus the harmony. But the thing is once you come out of that reflective phase, after you’ve had your moon, after your period, you are in your most dynamic phase. But you will not be a most dynamic, really getting out, to do what you want to do if you do not honor that reflective time. We need harmony and balance. We need day and night. We need winter and summer. Like, you know, we can’t function all the time if everything was sunshine. We’d die. We could not function all the time if it was darkness; we’d die. And we’ve lost this connection and—and women especially because they feel they have to conform to something they’re not, but in saying that it’s also important for the men to know that they need to have downtime, too. They can’t always be the ones that are striving and—and having to do to provide in some ways. It’s okay for them to pull back a little bit and—and have a bit of time off and have some downtime and have some nurturing time, and to be held and seen as well. We need to install that into our young boys and young men and—and men of today and the world.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Is it testosterone is a big buffer from a hormone perspective of cortisol–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm. Yes.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right? And that’s the biggest thing. Men with adequate levels of testosterone, they can buffer the stress from cortisol, that’s a big aspect. But the problem is we live in a very toxic world where there are lots of synthetic estrogens around us.

Elise Carr:  I’m pleased you said this.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  And that can affect a lot of the brain feedback loops that talk to the genitals to make the hormones.

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  It can do the same for females because they push them into estrogen dominance–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Which we did a big podcast on 2 weeks ago which can cause–

Elise Carr:  Right.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  More PMS, fibroids, endometriosis, fibrocystic breast, so there’s kind of on both sides there’s this yin and the yang like we talked about–

Elise Carr:  Uh-hmm.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Of different imbalances and yeah, you are totally right when it comes to the males as well. They have to make sure they’re doing the right things, keeping the insulin under control and doing all the good diet and lifestyle things regarding sleep and the breathing and the right movement. Is there anything else, let’s say a female listener here can be doing maybe different than a male, maybe we can break it up on what’s better for each to kinda their—more in touch with their sexuality outside of what we already mentioned so far?

Elise Carr:  Yeah, well I guess, besides what we just mentioned which is knowing your cycle and honoring those–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  You know, the express, creative, reflective dynamic.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Breathing, too.

Elise Carr:  Honoring that in itself is so important. Yes, the breathing we’ve touched on that. Actually, setting some time aside and I call these sacred sessions–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Like scheduling lovemaking if you’re in a couple–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  But scheduling time for yourself as an individual as well. So if you have children or you have a busy schedule, this is perfect for you because you live a scheduled life and this is the way you’ve constructed your life and—and your, you know, you’re part of that system and that’s okay if this what, you know, you choose. And if that is the case, then you need to actively get your pen in your hand and carve out, put it in, write it in pen. This is what I’m gonna do for me, and made it something a week, or maybe it’s one hour a week—I like to obviously have a little bit every day which is much nicer than just having one bit a week. You gotta find what works for you. But I call this non-negotiable time. I wrote an article about your best threesome ever–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Hmm.

Elise Carr:  And those three elements are with yourself–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  With—which is your soul I call that. With spirit, because it’s something greater than you have, however you connect with that, whether you believe that is God or the universal or source or whatever it is you call it. And then the third relationship is your tribe. It’s with your children. It’s with your beloved.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  It’s with community beyond that. But those first 2 relationships are non-negotiable. Non-negotiable. The first relationship is with yourself. So you might be, you know what, every single day I start my morning ritual with a cup of tea and I—I watch the sunrise if you are getting up that early or–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:   Whatever it is, you know, on your phone, you are not multitasking. You are not with another. It is purely You time for you. You are nourishing yourself, your soul. And once that is done, you’re ready to have a connection with something greater than you. For some people, this is in meditation. It’s in prayer. It’s on the yoga mat. It might be you know, speaking to—to a spiritual director. It might be going to church, however it looks, it doesn’t need to look a certain way, it’s just what you feel is a way you can connect. It might be you know, reading an excerpt from—from a book that you feel gives you some wisdom. It’s having a connection thing that’s greater than you to open that that channel, so you feel you have a connection there like a lifeline, and once you’ve nourished those two, you are then a more full and a more fulfilled camp to be of greatest service with your partner, with your child or children, in your community, at the office, in your space of work, however that is. But what we don’t do is nourish those 2 relationships first. We always go to that 3rd relationship and then we wonder why we’re angry, frustrated, feeling not seen, not heard, not held. And this applies to men and women. So I’ve kinda answered that, I guess in one go.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  But in that regard, we don’t have to be different. We’re still having a human experience. We still have to learn to take care of these elements or their selves in whatever way looks good for us, there’s no right and wrong, but you have to show up and do the work. You have to show up and do the work. No one else that can do this for you. Like I said, there’s—there’s no pill that can do that for you.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Right, right, and you mentioned something earlier, just a few minutes ago about scheduling lovemaking. Can you go more into that?

Elise Carr:  Yeah, absolutely. So I wrote a post called Sacred Sessions and I did this because I was seeing more and more people having a disconnect with their, I say beloved, with your partner, with your husband and wife, boyfriend-girlfriend, whatever it is. In this day and age, we may be really supportive of each other. You know, we may do little things for each other, one person buys the grocery, one you know, pays the bills, whatever it is, right? We—we support each other and we have a union. But we’re neglecting the sacred sexual and the sacred spiritual at coming together, the intimacy, the real sacred time, so I said, ”You have to schedule this in. If you want to invest in this, it means that not that it doesn’t have the romantic or it doesn’t have to be spontaneous.” It may not conventionally spontaneous because you’re gonna be like, “Okay, Thursday evening 6 til 9, or whatever it is, 6 til 8, it’s just you and me. We’ve got a babysitter or we’re gonna, you know, go somewhere or we’re just gonna create some time and space in our own bedroom, it’s actually honoring your relationship so much that you’re making it just as important, if not more important than other things. This is what we need to know here. Because your beloved needs to know that they are important to you and you need to demonstrate that with action. Some people like the words on top of it. They like a gift–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  On top of it. They like some service on top of it. We may have heard of the Love Languages. This exists, too.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  And whether this is time where you actually make love or however that looks to you or whether it’s just being together and snuggling and having a shower together. I’ve written a list which I’m gonna publish soon about different ideas of how you can use this time, and you can be really playful and you can experiment with different, you know, sexual practices that you may not have explored before and whether it’s role-playing or give each other massages. It can be anything that you both consensually agree to want to explore together, and holding that space for each other. There’s no judgment there. There’s none of that. This is a really beautiful space to get really intimate with your beloved and not let it be superseded by something else, unless I said it is, you know, a serious extreme—if someone’s really unwell something drastic has happened and we have to understand. Life happens. Other than that, this is non-negotiable. Non-negotiable and it needs to be scheduled at least, you know, once a week or once a fortnight depending on how your relationship is set up.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  That’s great. That’s awesome. Well, is there any way listeners here can get a hold of you outside of your website? Is there anything else you want to share, any books or any other opt-ins or video series coming your way?

Elise Carr:  There’s a free video series on my website.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Oh, great.

Elise Carr:  It’s mainly targeted at ladies, but guys could definitely–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Get some value out of it. As soon as you click on StellaMuse.com, and that’s Stella with an A as you said, at the very top there’s an opt-in there for a 4-part video series and it touches on your sacred sexual space. We call it the Yoni, which means–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Literally your entire female genital area. The Yoni, the heart–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Ah.

Elise Carr:  The mind and how these need to be in sync for a woman to be fully in her most empowered space. So that video series is easily accessible and then at the bottom of our website, there’s a free e-book which is like a blueprint for your life purpose and it’s one that you can just print off and work through. It’s definitely for men, for women at any stage, great especially if you’re at a turning point and you want some guidance along the way. Other than that, you can head over to any of my social media links. There’s plenty of videos and—and lots of articles that are very practical and you can get some ideas that you can implement today, and if you feel I can be of service then Contact page, send me an email, and—and let me know specifically how you feel I can assist.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Excellent, and before I go into my last question, is there anything else that’s on the tip of your, kinda tongue or your—on top of your head that you wanted to really put out there to the listeners?

Elise Carr:  The most important thing is—is to honor your integrity and truth.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Uh-hmm.

Elise Carr:  Out if everything we’ve spoken about here, it really has to resonate with you. There’s no right and wrong but you have to carve out that time, a bit of space, a bit of stillness to start listening to what your body, your heart, your soul, your mind, your genitals is—is saying to you because our bodies talk to us all the time. We know when we’re tired. We know when we’re hungry. We know when we’re thirsty. It speaks to us in other ways as well and we don’t often slow down enough to listen so I—I urge all our listeners now to—to take that time to connect with themselves and find out what they need.  And one simple way, if you’re not sure how to do this, I love putting one hand on the heart, one hand on the belly–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  Like we’ve already discussed–

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah, yeah.

Elise Carr:  The exact same pose and just slow down, do some of that belly breathing and then ask, “What do you need me to know right now? What do you need me to know right now?” And without judgment, just let whatever answer comes to you come to you in whatever way, and if you get nothing that’s okay. Be open to an answer coming to you, that not in your dreams, seeing a sign, hearing a song on the radio, an answer will come to you because you’ve opened up that line of communication so be patient and come from a place of loving, kindness, and compassion for yourself.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Well, you’ve inspired me to do a really good breathing session after this podcast, so thanks for that.

Elise Carr:  Right, you’re welcome Dr. J.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Awesome. Well, last question for you. I typically end his podcast with every question for all the different guests here. But if you are on a desert island, what would be the one supplement or herb that you’d want to take with yourself.

Elise Carr:  Ooh, that is so tricky because I’m such an herb person.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  It could be anything.

Elise Carr:  Maybe—yeah, yeah. May—I say oregano. I know, you guys say oregano.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Yeah.

Elise Carr:  I’ll probably take that because it’s so multipurpose, full of multi-useful being an antibacterial and anti-fungal.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Absolutely.

Elise Carr:  And that you could probably take, you know, a little bit every day. I’m gathering a what, clean water on this island. Take a little bit every day to, you know, to keep my immune system strong as well and—and make me feel, you know, as healthy as—as I guess I can be with only one herb.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  I love it. Well, I’ve gone to Mexico a few times and gotten parasite infections and I brought it with myself and it’s totally knocked it out, so–

Elise Carr:  There you do.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Very, very cool.

Elise Carr:   Thank you.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Alright, well, Elise great chatting with you. StellaMuse.com and look forward to having you back soon.

Elise Carr:  Thank you so much, Dr. J. You have a wonderful rest of your day. It’s been a pleasure speaking with you.

Dr. Justin Marchegiani:  Thanks, you as well, Elise.

 

Enjoying What You've Read? Sign Up For FREE Updates Delivered To Your Inbox.

Share:
Content on this website is not considered medical advice. Please see a physician before making any medical or lifestyle changes.
Join thousands who are getting exclusive content and videos you won’t find anywhere else.
x